I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.
It's not my age that bothers me. It's the side effects.
I'm not saying I'm old and worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on trash day.
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
As I've gotten older, people think I've become lazy. The truth is I'm just being more energy-efficient.
I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open a stupid plastic bag.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
Contributed by Barbara Bruno