Some things to think about:
Cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t. That must be frustrating.
Still trying to get my head around the fact that “Take Out” can mean food, dating, or murder.
Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing, so I'm probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what’s your plan?
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the “cool table” in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.
I, too, was once a male trapped in a female body . . . but then my mother gave birth.
If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” I said, "No, it doesn't."
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
Contributed by Jane Hart