I never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me. But I stand corrected.
Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says: "Uno, dos ..." Poof. He disappeared without a tres.
I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It's a step by step guide.
My son was chewing on electric cords, so I had to ground him. It's OK, though. He's doing better and conducting himself properly.
My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him. But that's his story and he's sticking to it.
An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted: “Nobody move.”
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, “Sure. Knock yourself out!”
I got into a fight today with 1,3,5,7 and 9. The odds were really against me.
In Britain, it's called a lift but Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently.
97% of people are stupid. Glad I'm in the other 5%.
The Almighty said to John, “Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and got a toaster instead.
AND FINALLY,
I have 2 unwritten rules:
1.
2.
Contributed by Barbara Bruno