All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Veni, Vidi, Velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.
If you try to fail, but succeed, which have you done?
9 out of 10 doctors say the 10th doctor should mellow out.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . . 7 . . .
Age and knowledge don’t always come together. Sometimes you just get the age . . .
Contributed by Jane Hart