My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
The invention of the lock was the key to success.
I can never understand my trigonometry teacher because he always talks in sine language.
What is a thesaurus’ favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
When a female sheep turns around and goes the other way it makes a ewe turn.
I'm competing for that stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.
Contributed by Joe Bruno